Wednesday, April 13, 2011

"Choose Your Love, Love Your Choice"

(That little gem is a quote by President Thomas S. Monson)

I truly am Jo Ann McCorkle's daughter. My heart has grown very sensitive - especially in the last couple of years. This contemplation on sensitivity came about as I sat home alone tonight trying to find a movie to pass the time until I go to bed. I checked out the latest movies on Instant Play on Netflix and came across "Eat Pray Love." I remembered a conversation my sister and I had about this movie a couple months ago (she didn't like it), but I've heard such great things about it, I figured I'd give it a chance. Just like Veronica, I couldn't watch more than the first 15 minutes.

Here's the synopsis of the movie: "A married woman realizes how unhappy her marriage really is, and that her life needs to go in a different direction. After a painful divorce, she takes off on a round-the-world journey to 'find herself'". What they skimmed over is that she's the one who decided (by herself) that her marriage was unhappy. Her husband had no idea because she never told him how she felt. Before she's even started the divorce process, she's found another temporary man, and her husband still wants her back. He pleads with her in front of her divorce lawyer to stay and he'll work harder, but she brushes him off and runs off to "find herself." I couldn't continue to watch this movie because my heart hurts so easily for characters. Her husband was giving everything he could, but she didn't care.

Here's the problem: everything I just described was a choice. A marriage isn't just "unhappy" all on its own. That's a choice. (Certainly there are extenuating circumstances, for instance, where abuse is involved. Even still, that's a choice made by the offender.) Life isn't about just "going with the flow" and letting the wind blow you wherever it may go. It's nothing but choices. Often times things don't go as you plan, so yes, you have to be flexible, but how you react to things and what you decide to do with the options in front of you is still your choice.

The problem with American society today is that most people don't realize that. If their marriage isn't everything they thought it would be, then they suppose it just wasn't meant to be and they feel they "owe it to themselves" to find happiness somewhere else. But that's wrong. So very, very wrong. Marriage is serious business - nothing to be taken lightly. If nothing else, you owe it to your marriage to try and find happiness within it.

The reason I say this is because I recognize that everything I'm doing is completely my choice. Skylar and I weren't "destined to be together." Heck, we each could have found plenty of other people that we could be equally happy with. But we chose each other. Love is not something you just fall into or out of. It is a CHOICE. You choose who you love or don't love. Our marriage is far from perfect (a lot of that may or may not come from me), but we choose to work things out. If we were to just let things sit and choose not to work on our marriage every single day, sure it would become "unhappy." But we don't. And we won't. Because fortunately, we recognize how ridiculous and irresponsible that would be. Sometimes, it's really hard and a lot of work, but we choose each other and we will continue to choose each other every day for the rest of our lives and beyond. It's a choice.

Disclaimer: I realize that this last paragraph might come across as though we are constantly happy because we choose to be. Please don't take it that way. We definitely are NOT always happy (which is also a choice on our parts), but I believe so far we've been able to say we are always happy IN our marriage - as in, we would never bail because it's so worth it - even when we feel like this:

Rant over.

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