I Don't Want to Be Fabulous; I Just Want to Be Faithful.

Lately I've been having a hard time focusing on the right things. I'm not a materialistic person, but it's still easy for me to lose sight of what really matters. Recently, I guess I've been lost in how glamorous other people and their lives seem to be. So many people seem to be brilliant, beautiful, adventurous, blissful, care free, stylish, and basically perfect. But I'm none of those things and it's been bothering me to the point that I dislike those people and have become unhappy with me and my life.

Today in church, as I was listening to the speaker, a thought came into my mind so clearly that I could almost hear someone saying it: "I don't want to be fabulous; I just want to be faithful." I didn't know where that thought came from but I started analyzing it's meaning. A few definitions of the word fabulous are "almost impossible to believe; told about in fables; purely imaginary; known about only through myths or legends." Yet, that's what society seems to be attempting today. You have to be fabulous or you're nothing, essentially.

But is that what's important in this life? To have others think that you're something they could never achieve? I think not. The first and greatest commandment is to love the Lord with all our heart. If we love God, we will faithfully follow Him. A few definitions of the word faithful are "true to one's word, promises, vows, etc; steady in allegiance or affection; loyal; constant; adhering or true to a fact, a standard, or an original." But my favorite definition of faithful is "reliable, trusted, or believed." How I long to be trusted by my Heavenly Father! I would love for Him to see me as reliable; someone He can believe and believe in because of how I live my life.

For now though, I'm working on it. I have such a long ways to go that it can feel overwhelming at times. I feel so immature in the ways of God and I know I have SO many things I need to change. But I want to change. I want to become the person the Lord knows I can be so that He can trust me with the really big things in life.

What strikes me the most about this sentence that popped in my mind today is that the first part (fabulous) is something that is unbelievable and unattainable. The second (faithful) is something that is so meek and simple. That's how I want to be. I don't want people to see me as something so glamorous they feel they could never get there (because fabulous ultimately is imaginary). I want people to see me as something they can do too so they can feel joyful about God, about themselves, and about life.  It's a good thing we have the perfect example to teach us how to get there.

Happy Anniversary to Us!

Since Skylar and I hadn't been together since mid April essentially (with the exception of a few days during May), we decided it would be fun for me to fly out to Kansas for our anniversary and hit up the church stuff in Missouri and Nauvoo. So that's what we did. It was tons of fun and VERY needed.

I got in Friday the 29th and we just spent time lazy-ing around in Independence, MO. Saturday, we got up (kinda) early and started the 5 hour drive to Nauvoo. We made a slight detour to see Adam-ondi-Ahman (which was beautiful)! Once we got to Nauvoo, we found our motel and relaxed for a bit (there was a lot of "relaxing" during this trip), then headed into town to the temple and to see what Nauvoo was all about. The next day we headed back to MO and stayed in Liberty that night. The last morning I was there, we saw Liberty Jail, then headed to the airport. It was a short, but very sweet trip.

We definitely enjoyed our first night together, but Missouri, as it turns out, is NOT my favorite state! It's a little bit white-trash (at least the parts we were in).

BEAUTIFUL!

Ha ha, what a terrifying mascot for this small town we drove through!

Love Nauvoo! Especially the temple!

This gross Chinese Buffet was seriously the ONLY "sit down" place within 50 miles. We should have been tipped off to its nastiness when the host said to us as we walked in, "If you want fresh food, just let me know. We have cooks who can make new food for you." Yikes.

We passed nothing but cornfields on the way back. That was fun!

Whew! We made it through the first year!

We definitely chose the best time of year to get married. Shark week always coincides with our anniversary!

Liberty Jail was cool. Kind of sad, but also inspiring.

The airport came too quickly. But it was a great trip! Much needed and much appreciated!

525,600 Minutes

A year has come and gone since this new chapter in our lives started. On July 30, Skylar and I celebrated our first anniversary, but we'll get to the celebration part in another post. For now, I want to talk about the last year. People say that the first year of marriage is the hardest. I can't honestly say since we've only been through the first year, but I can say it's had its ups and downs. For some reason, newlyweds here in Utah all claim it's been the easiest, best year of their lives. I think they live in La-La Land. Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful for this past year, but it definitely came with its challenges. Here's a quick recap:

July: Got married in the Dallas Temple - on July 30th...I think. I ALWAYS think it was the 31st for some reason.

August: Quick honeymoon in San Antonio. Moved to Utah, stopping to see the Grand Canyon on the way. Moved into our awesome, ghetto section of a 110 year old house, sharing a very thin bedroom wall with a couple of single girls in the next apartment over. We had a lot of fun with that. School started the end of August. Skylar took a couple online classes. I got a job in payroll on campus. Skylar started trying to get a branch of Billy Ellis Roofing going up here.

September: Nothing of consequence happened. Or maybe it did, but I don't remember. Uh oh.

October: My poor, faithful Edward (my car I've had since the beginning of college) started having problems. It was our only form of transportation and we spent THOUSANDS of dollars on him for one thing after another, only to never get him fully fixed. At least he kept running though.

November: Went to LAS VEGAS for Thanksgiving since it's only a 6 hour drive (as opposed to the 24 hours to Texas). Saw the Blue Man Group and fell in love with them. Seriously. Got in a car accident in poor Edward on that trip.

December: Billy Ellis Roofing and Skylar decided it would be best for everyone if he broke off and started his own company which meant great opportunity for growth, but no more financial security. I had to quit my job in payroll at the end of the semester due to schedule conflicts in the following semester. Skylar finished his online classes. I made awesome grades that fall! AND we got to go back home for a couple weeks around Christmas.

January: Got my old job back at the MTC (where I worked for 3 years before my mission). Started classes again and a week into the semester had a complete break down (which nearly resulted in us packing up and moving back to Texas). Made the decision to switch my major from Physiology and Developmental Biology to Public Health. Skylar began taking necessary steps to start a new company. Tristan (Skylar's younger brother) moved up to Utah and started living with us. He had to sleep on an air mattress that was too small for him. Poor guy.

February: Again, nothing of consequence. Just the stresses of a new company.

March: The challenges of a new company became more and more apparent. It was rough. We made the decision that we hated Provo and would move as soon as possible. Skylar's mom got really sick and was admitted to the hospital. It was just the beginning.

April: New company challenges persisted, and worsened. I was still crazy stressed over life and money and it took its toll on all of us. Many arguments took place, but much learning and growth happened because of it. Skylar and Tristan made a trip to Texas to see their mom while I finished the semester, packed and moved our apartment. I survived, but I certainly didn't thrive. I made the move to Sandy and Tristan moved into his own place at the end of the month. I decided to only go to school part time and work full time to be more supportive of Skylar. I started my Epidemiology class for the short spring term.

May: Skylar's mom passed away on May 1, shortly after they discovered she had cancer all throughout her body. We all made a short trip Texas for the service. Skylar's company faced pretty severe challenges so Skylar and Tristan headed out to Kansas to work in storm-damaged areas. That was just the beginning of many long months of him being gone. I started work at Hobby Lobby as a customer service manager and also started trainings for RISE, my other job working with disabled kiddos.

June: Skylar bounced between Kansas and Texas, only to settle in Kansas until the fall. I worked 2 jobs, finished my epidemiology class and started another public health class, and stayed pretty crazy busy.

July: I continued being super busy and Skylar continued working in Kansas. We gradually began to get the hang of how to effectively communicate over long distance which was CRUCIAL. I flew out to visit him over our anniversary.

Without going into the nitty-gritty, I'll just say that I'm extremely grateful for the lessons this past year brought us, and I'm extremely grateful this past year is over. I wouldn't trade it, but I also wouldn't want to relive it.

I've been thinking about what other people say about their wedding day. A few key phrases people like to use are: "It was the happiest day of my life." "It was perfect, everything I'd always imagined." "I was so nervous that morning." "I'm so glad we decided to keep with the traditions."

It's funny, I feel completely opposite about that day....in just about every respect. 1) The day we got married was great because we FINALLY (after many years of waiting) got to be together in every sense of the word - forever. Sure it was a super happy day, but it was only the beginning. I've already had happier days than that and I'll continue to have happier days. 2) I hadn't been dreaming about this day all my life. In fact, I didn't even really want to plan it. I pretty much tried to turn as much over to my mom(s) and sisters as I could. I'm grateful they wanted to do it. 3) I wasn't at all nervous that morning. I woke up at 4:30 after only about an hour of sleep because of an interesting night before with my grandmother, got myself ready, then drove myself over to pick up Skylar so we could grab some chick-fil-a for breakfast and head to the temple together. A little out of the ordinary, but it worked for us. We actually were a little surprised at how NON-nervous we both were. There was just a feeling of peace - which was good because my family ended up being an hour late. That kind of stress probably would have killed most other brides. 4) We didn't do the traditional wedding garb. We had a backyard barbeque for the reception where Skylar wore khakis and I wore a sun dress. We had a variety of cakes from Costco and we karaoked while kids swam. It was totally laid back and I loved it.

Our wedding day fit us and it was great, but I'm glad weddings are only for a day and marriages are (or can be) forever. That's what it's all about, folks.